Written by Zandra Baker, LPC, TRN Co-Founder
Like many others at this time of year, I often feel pulled in many directions or as I like to call them "competing parts." The bustling holiday season and the end of another year tend to get my head spinning. What are the travel plans? Did I meet my goals for the year? What can be postponed? What’s urgent? What does next year look like? Have I shown up for enough people?
Then, of course, the recurring boom: what is the future?
When I try to answer these questions for myself, the different parts of me competing for attention can be overpowering. Then I realize, I need to ask a new question. What does it mean to listen to myself, when my “self” has SO MANY THOUGHTS?!
I think this challenge is common among everyone, but especially therapists who are often in overdrive holding their own thoughts in addition to their clients'. The empathy that makes us strong in our field often compounds the intensity of these frantic feelings. This is just one part of the mental and emotional fatigue we go through week after week, yet we wonder why we’re so tired! What can anyone do with all of these cycling thoughts? Why don't we try giving them a rest?
Earlier this year I read the book, No Bad Parts, by Dick Schwartz. In it, he shares an approachable version of Internal Family Systems (IFS) which is his theory of practice. In my very abridged version, he communicates with readers that all these voices in our heads are the different Parts of ourselves not only wanting their time to shine, but more notably to me, having our best interest at heart. During these busy, difficult seasons this year, I’ve found it really comforting to recognize that even in my seemingly most self-critical times, these parts are trying to help me out in some way. Go, me! Schwartz also discusses ways to speak to the louder and less productive Parts and quiet them so others may also come forward with what we need. We can speak directly to that Inner Critic acknowledging its attempts to motivate and also see if she can go on lunch break. If the demanding, “go, go, hurry up!” Parts were to settle down, what would I discover I need?
Fortunately, prior to this, I was slowly reading through Tricia Hersey’s (founder of The Nap Ministry) Rest is Resistance and her self-reflection journaling prompts in The Rest Deck, the accompanying exercise book. Even though my productive Parts equate rest with laziness, my need for recovery was so clear! I was also able to learn about how productive Rest really is and how much our bodies need this from us with attentiveness and no shaming – groundbreaking! We as therapists have often been instructed to remove or separate ourselves from our work, but that can mean missing a lot of the clues that we need attention and recovery. Burnout can be just around the corner for any of us. It is vital to attune ourselves to listen to those quieter Parts, allow them to speak up, and advocate for ourselves. By resting and restoring more consistently as often as we need it, the more fully we can show up with our community, family, and professional lives.
I hope you find Rest this season- in body and mind- and embrace the new year the same.
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